I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
