i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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