just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
