Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
