I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
DRUNK COOKIES
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