i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
