opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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