I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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