I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
