It's Friday. Sex?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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