Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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