Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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