yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
