Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
