i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
