Pants 0. Shit 1.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize