I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
