I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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