I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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