i permit you to call me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize