I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
