we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
