dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
