I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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