New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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