no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
