So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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