Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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