So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
