He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
