I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
