I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
