I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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