I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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