my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
