i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
