i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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