I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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