honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
