I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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