The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
