I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize