Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
