If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
