What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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