i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize