Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
