Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So many bounce houses so little time
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
