Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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