I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
