I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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