On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I CAN MOONWALK!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize