I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
