Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
