WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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