I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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