your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
