Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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