I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
