yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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