Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
