Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
