My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
