My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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