Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
