did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Boobs are out for the taking
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
