I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
