Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
