Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
