in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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