Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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