the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
