Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
