he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
